• me when i eat fruits: i'm so fucking healthy
  • kingloptr:

    literallytrash:

    itssexualhour:

    My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms  23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed

    you need less jesus

    holy fuck

    oh god

    greencarnations:

watchingthedetective:

ohnoproblems:

xekstrin:

crash-mcbarason:

crash-mcbarason:

PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT THESE LIZARDS NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THESE LIZARDS

"The New Mexico whiptail lizard is a crossbreed of a western whiptail which lives in the desert and the little striped whiptail that favours grasslands. The lizard is a female-only species that reproduces by producing an egg through parthenogenesis. Despite reproducing asexually, and being an all female species, the whiptail still engages in mating behavior with other females of its own species, giving rise to the common nickname "lesbian lizards"."

peOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE LESBIAN LIZARDS?


and people say humans are the most superior and intelligent organism on the planet, get real

WHY is no one calling them Lizbians?!

lezzards

LESBIAN LIZARDS ARE A THING?!
    so-personal:

everything personal♡

    wlntersoldier:

    teacher:  where’s your homework

    me:  where’s black widow’s movie

    "Shut up, Larry."
    Literally everyone who watches Orange is the New Black (via empress-of-derp)
    "I hope she’s a lesbian."
    Me (about every cute girl ever)

    nokiabae:

    my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night

    babyminaj:

this tweet describes my entire life
    this is perfect, 
    130